Inner Child Healing

“Inner-child healing” is a catchy term that I first became familiar with in the 1980s. I was a young social worker working in the addictions field. I believed all good therapists should participate in their own therapy, and I was acutely aware that my life had been impacted by growing up in an alcoholic home. I began by attending Alanon group meetings and discovered a relatively new (at that time) 12-step group called Adult Children of Alcoholics.

These groups and work by Therapists such as Carl Yung, Virginia Satir, Janet G. Woititz, and John Bradshaw brought the concept of an Injured Inner Child to public awareness. It opened the door for a whole new group of therapeutic tools for helping individuals who struggle with mental health issues. It is based on the concept that we are all born with a pure heart, natural curiosity, and the need for safety, love, and belonging. It acknowledges that many of us experienced trauma or neglect in our childhood and that many of our current dysfunctional behaviors, coping mechanisms, and emotions are a result of the wounded inner child being in the “driver’s seat” when it comes to managing our emotions and handling conflict, stress, and fear.

It is important to note that “Inner Child Work” is not…
-Having a child-like personality,
-a clinical or medical term,
-a specific treatment or type of therapy
-a form of pop psychology
-or a way to blame our parents, caregivers or lack of caregivers for our current pain or self-sabotaging behaviors.

Tools or Techniques of Inner Child Work

There are different approaches to addressing your inner child's wounds, but the general literature asserts that there are five major wound areas that need to be addressed. These include abandonment, rejection, humiliation, betrayal, and injustice. The first step is to become aware of your inner child. This is followed by creating a relationship with this child and developing compassion and empathy for them. This can be done through guided meditation, looking through old pictures of yourself, or interviewing family members who knew you as a child.

The following work can be painful as you will be asked to examine your childhood experiences, trauma, or neglect. You will likely evaluate how this experience from the past affects your behaviors, emotions, fears, and insecurities in the present. By acknowledging this trauma and soothing the wounds of your inner child, you will begin to build a level of trust between your younger self and your adult self. The non-medical term is that you will begin to “re-parent” your inner child. You will give them the things that they did not receive as a child. This will help to begin to heal the wounds and help break the dysfunctional cycles that we repeat over and over again until we have stopped self-sabotaging ourselves.

The more we know about how we lost our spontaneous wonder and creativity, the more we can find ways to get them back.
-John Bradshaw

The goals of Inner Child work

The overall goal of this work is to maintain a balanced relationship with the inner child. We learn to stop allowing the inner child's reactions to impact our current life in destructive ways. When life has its challenges, we will respond to the needs of the inner child when their wounds or fears are triggered. As well as break free from the patterns of self-destructive or codependent behaviors. At the same time, we allow the joyful, playful characteristics of a child to bring creativity and joy into our lives, help us discover our natural gifts, and improve our ability to love and receive love.

How to get started/where to go from here.

Because this work can often be painful and triggering, I always recommend that you have a solid foundation of recovery skills before you dive into it. Likewise, I prefer professional individual or group therapy to address these wounds with a therapist who is experienced in this type of work and addiction counseling. However, the 12-step group ACA is an excellent resource and their “Step Workbook” is a valuable and effective tool. Lastly, I encourage you to be kind and compassionate with yourself. Practice your self-care activities, and do not rush this process.

Additional Resources

· The ACA Fellowship Text (aka The Big Red Book)

· Twelve Steps of Adult Children Adult Children - Steps Workbook

· Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw

· Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Melody