SPONSORSHIP
In AA, NA, and Al-anon
Please note, these concepts are true for many 12-step programs, and this is based upon my personal experience.
One might say that sponsorship in AA began on the very night that Bill W. reached out to Dr. Bob in Akron, Ohio. Bill was 5 months sober at the time; he was traveling on business and found himself alone and tempted to get a drink at the hotel bar. Instead, he decided to seek out the company of another alcoholic and started making calls to the churches listed in the hotel directory. He thought that if he could find another alcoholic, he might be able to keep himself sober while helping another person. After several efforts, Bill was eventually connected to Dr. Bob.
Beginning with that meeting, Bill W. and Dr. Bob formed a friendship and began to create the support group that became AA. This first group expanded into more, and their numbers increased steadily. Their program was founded on the idea that alcoholics would help each other obtain and maintain sobriety. The first mention of sponsorship in AA books or literature came in the 1940 pamphlet titled “A Manual for AA,” which states in the foreword that, “this booklet is intended to be a practical guide for new members and sponsors of new members of Alcoholics Anonymous.” Since that time, Sponsorship has evolved and become an important part of the AA program and other 12-step programs.
What is a Sponsor?
A sponsor is a more experienced and regular member of the 12-step group who has been in recovery for at least a year. Sponsors typically have worked the 12 steps and understand the traditions and principles of the program. A sponsor can be an invaluable tool to the newcomer. Often, newcomers feel anxious, fearful, or embarrassed when first coming to their first few meetings, especially if they have been ordered to attend meetings by the court. The sponsor can reassure the newcomer that they are not alone and that there are others who may have may stories or experiences to theirs.
How do Sponsors help the newcomer?
Sponsors will share their own experience, strength, and hope. A sponsor can help answer questions and assist the newcomer in joining the 12-step community. As their relationship deepens, a sponsor can also be a nonjudgmental, understanding, and empathetic confidant with whom a newcomer can discuss their personal problems. However, Sponsors will also help their Sponsee to examine their drinking/using habits and how to find answers using the program's tools. They may push their sponsee occasionally, encourage them to get involved, or even assign tasks. These efforts are intended to assist the newcomer in maintaining sobriety and supporting the recovery community.
How to find a sponsor
Generally, newcomers will pick their own sponsor, although some AA groups may offer to assign a newcomer a temporary sponsor or connect them with members who are willing to be temporary Sponsors until they find an individual whom they connect with. The choice of a sponsor is a personal one. Asking someone to be your sponsor may be frightening. So it’s recommended to look for someone whose story you can relate to, who you think you might feel comfortable with, and with whom you can talk freely and confidentially. Then, ask them if they would consider being your temporary sponsor. This enables you and the other member some time to see if you will be able to work with each other and allows either to bow out gracefully if the relationship “is not a fit” or the newcomer finds a different person to sponsor them.
How does sponsorship help the sponsor?
I want to make an important point. Most individuals who sponsor others will do this because they want to. They know that they will get as much out of sponsoring others as the newcomer gets from them. Most AA members agree that Sponsorship generally strengthens the older member’s sobriety. By helping others, alcoholics find that they help themselves.
“The newcomer will come to understand that he is not alone, that others have faced similar struggles, and that there is hope for recovery.”
What does a sponsor do?
A sponsor will welcome the newcomer into the AA community.
They will introduce them to other members to help them become comfortable with the group.
They will answer questions and address the meanings of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
A sponsor may help the newcomer obtain copies of The Big Book, Twelve and Twelve, and other helpful literature.
A sponsor will share their story and, by personal example, demonstrate the tools they use to stay sober and the rewards that sobriety has to offer
A sponsor will encourage and help the newcomer to attend a variety of A.A. meetings — to get a number of viewpoints and interpretations of the A.A. program. And to find a meeting venue where the newcomer is comfortable
Sponsors generally make themselves available by phone, email, or text outside of meeting times.
A sponsor will encourage the newcomer to get into volunteer work or join in social activities as soon as possible.
A sponsor may assign homework.
A sponsor will explain the programs of Al-Anon Family Groups and Alateen and may be willing to contact the newcomer’s family members to answer any questions they have about these support groups.
A sponsor is available to the newcomer when they have special problems but will not replace a counselor or therapist.
A good sponsor quickly admits when they do not know something and helps the newcomer find a good source of information.
A sponsor stresses the importance of A.A. being a safe place for all members and encourages members to familiarize themselves with service material available from the General Service Office, such as “Safety in A.A. — Our Common Welfare.”
What does a Sponsor does not do.
A sponsor will not judge or label anyone as an alcoholic or addict. Instead, they may suggest the newcomer keeps an open mind, if they aren’t sure at first whether they are an alcoholic or addict.
Does not loan money to the newcomer.
Never tries to impose personal, political, or religious views on the newcomer.
An A.A. sponsor does not offer professional services such as those provided by counselors, the legal, medical or social work communities.
Does not become romantically involved with the newcomer.
“Help is there, in every town and career, drug/drink freed members of society, from every single walk and talk of life to help and guide.”
– Jamie Lee Curtis
Other Questions/FAQs
May a newcomer change sponsors?
Absolutely, newcomers and members are always free to select another sponsor with whom they feel more comfortable.
Are newcomers required to get a sponsor?
No, but most active members of 12-step communities will say that having a sponsor kept them more accountable and committed to recovery, especially in the first few months of recovery when relapse is most common.
How long does the Sponsor-Sponsee relationship last?
Most AA members, including those with long-term sobriety, feel that sponsorship is a vital part of their ongoing growth and progress in recovery. Sponsorship never has to end. Often, these relationships become lifelong friendships and resources for support through life’s onging challenges.
Should you pick someone older than you?
The age of your sponsor is not as important as the wisdom that they have about sobriety and recovery.
How often do I have to talk to or meet with my sponsor?
This varies tremendously from one sponsor-sponsee relationship to the next. In early recovery, a Sponsor may ask their Sponsee to contact them daily in one form or another. This is a good topic to address when you ask someone to be your Sponsor
Can my sponsor have other Sponsees?
Yes, some members are able to manage many Sponsees. This is purely a personal choice of the sponsor. However, if the newcomer believes that they will need a lot of attention and guidance, it may be wise to find a sponsor who limits how many people they sponsor.
Why should I pick a sponsor of the same sex as myself?
A newcomer is not required to pick a sponsor of the same sex, but many Oldtimers would recommend this based on the fact that a woman will likely have more understanding of the issues of another woman, and the same holds true for a man who would relate better to another man.
What happens if I have romantic feelings for my sponsor?
A romantic partner does not make a good sponsor, so it is recommended that you seek a new sponsor.
In closing, Sponsorship is a mutual and confidential sharing between two members. Just asking another person to be your sponsor is a great step towards recovery. Many present members of Alcoholics Anonymous would say that they owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a special interest in them and was willing to share their personal time to help them. Sponsorship is one of many tools that 12-step programs use to help individuals. Other key components include admitting there is a problem, learning to ask for help, examining actions and behaviors that contributed to addiction, making restitution to those harmed, and continuing to spread the message of hope.
https://www,johnstownaa.com/pdfs/AkronManual1940.pdf
“Never underestimate a recovering addict. We fight for our lives every day in ways most people will never understand.”
Please share this with anyone you feel it can help, and take a few minutes to check out some of the other blog entries.