Perfectionism
noun
a refusal to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable
Well, I have to be honest and say that I am behind in posting blog entries as a result of my character trait of “trying to be perfect” and not wanting to post any entries that don’t provide some value or scholarly benefit to my readers. I am working on this trait, but my progress is slow. So, in order to combat this behavior and get caught up on the blog, I am going to let my thoughts run free as I write this post.
“Therefore, this may end up sounding more like a journal entry than a blog article.”
Now, I would never call myself a perfectionist because I have produced very few things that are perfect or even near perfect. Instead, I have many traits of perfectionism.
For me, perfectionism looks like;
Impatience
Good work ethic
Having unrealistic standards for myself
Having unrealistic standards for others
Not being able to delegate tasks to others
Being defensive when my work is criticized
And it is fueled by ;
Fear of letting others down
Being self-critical
Not feeling like I am ever good enough
Wanting to be in control
Where does my perfectionism come from? This is easy. I am not blaming my parents, but they did set very high standards for my brothers and me. Straight A’s were rewarded in my home as a child. Anything short of perfect grades meant that you were lazy or not trying hard enough. My eldest brother had a passion for academics the way I had a passion for athletics, and so he set the standard extremely high for my other brother and me. Perfectionism carried over into our chores as well. They had to be completed perfectly. In the summers, I would often ask to wash my parents’ car for spending money. But, if it was not done perfectly, you were not paid.
Then, I picked a sport that is literally judged. You are ranked against other athletes and given scores for execution, style, creativity, and artistry. This sport is Synchronized Swimming (aka Artistic Swimming), and when I was an athlete, we were judged much like ice skating. We were given a score from 1 to 10 and broken down into tenths of scores.
Now, I am going to pause here and point out that not all perfectionism is bad… My parents also taught me to have a great work ethic; they encouraged curiosity and exploration.
Because of that work ethic, I achieved a lot in my athletic career. I do not mind saying that I was not a natural athlete, but I achieved success because I worked hard and set high standards for myself at every practice.
I can’t help myself, but I have to digress for a moment and present a little more scholarly information about Perfectionism.
For some, Perfectionism may also look like;
You thrive on organization and structure
You have difficulty getting over even small mistakes
Others tell you that you are too ambitious toward achieving your goals
You struggle to relax or you experience insomnia
You are prone to procrastination
You engage in all-or-nothing thinking
You feel depressed by unmet goals
You experience back, body, or headaches
How to cope with Perfectionism…
For many of us, it is a matter of finding a balance between reaching for our goals and not losing perspective on the other important things in our lives. Here are some of the things I have done or am working on to work on to find this balance;
I am no longer judging myself for struggling with my perfectionism
I am making light of it and using humor
I am talking about it
I am asking others to help keep me accountable
I am being kind to myself
I am purposely allowing my work to be less than perfect
I am paying attention to my self-talk
I try not to compare myself to others
I am offering compassion to myself when I do slip into perfectionist or critical thinking.
In closing, I hope this has been helpful to you. It has for me because it has allowed me to revisit a trait that I am working on, acknowledge that I am making progress, stay accountable, and try to help others.
Please share this with anyone you feel it can help, and take a few minutes to check out some of the other blog entries.